Somewhere, Freud is saying "I told you so!"

It's days like this that you just gotta stop and give thanks to Al Gore and his genius invention: the innnnernet. A moment of silence please....(that's more for me than you, I cannot stop giggling.)

Why? Because of this:

A GoGirl. And yes, it's exactly what it looks like...an aiming device for us gals. Apparently its the be-all-end-all answer to nasty public bathroom woes. Except, you STILL have to go into the restroom, you STILL have to touch things inside the restroom. I don't think it would solve any of my woes - it'd probably just ADD to them if anything.

Thanks to my dad, who was the biggest hand-washing, paranoid germ-o-phobe this side of planet Neptune, I inherited more than just a healthy fear of P.B. (public bathroom) toilet cooties. I also have a highly irrational fear of P.B.B. - a notorious gang of Public Bathroom Bandits. They are stealth and swift and they will reach over the stall and steal your purse off the metal hook! It doesn't matter that this has never happened to me, nor anyone I know, the man planted the seed at an early enough age that it is now an Oak Tree in my central nervous system. Oh yeah.

So...back to this GoGirl. I wonder how many women really use it? I mean, I would own one for the sheer novelty and funny factor, but I don't know that I would actually use it. I don't know that I want to get potty trained all over again. And while I get that you place it over your "lady business" and go(girl)...I don't get how you stand. Forward or backward? I cannot - I repeat, canNOT - stand up, face forward, and go. Not happening. I'm not even positive I could "practice" in the privacy of my own home. Especially not without laughing. I may be a grown woman, but I am not without my school-girl moments of hysteria.

And can you imagine the looks on the other ladies faces when you walk out of a stall where your feet clearly gave away which direction you were facing???

Also - what do you do with it when you are finished?
Throw it away?
What if you just drank a Starbucks Venti Caramel Frappacino and you have to go again in 10 minutes?
Do you wash it out?
Who wants to use the sink after the lady who just washed out her portable pee cup?
Do you hold it under the air dryer before you tuck it back in your purse?
How do you explain that to the 5 year old little girl watching you?
I'm just not sold on it.

They recommend it for travel (among other things like climbing mountains, long car rides, dirty porta-potties, you get the picture) - now imagine airport security. You really think they are going to let that slide just because its in a (not so) discreet tube? Heck no. They are gonna pull that pink puppy out right there and investigate....while you stand there helpless and barefoot. Nothankyouverymuch!

Really now, even in Al Gore's wildest dreams, do you think he ever thought that his beloved super highway of information would become a platform for a female potty funnel??

I don't think I have ever seen so many ladies so excited about "powdering their noses" before! Do you think DEPENDS had a booth at this same convention? Do you think anybody lined up there to "test pee" their pants? And then give a video testimonial?
"I've just pee'd my pants and I LOVED it! I'm going to do it ALL the time and I'm going to recommend it to all my girlfriends!"
See, now THAT would solve having to use a public restroom. Totally.