Perhaps it will be the start of a good thing...
Perhaps it will end as a cautionary tale...
What I am talking about is my weight and the heavy decision to start taking diet pills.
I started putting on the pounds a couple of years ago while working in a super stressful environment. Now to be fair, I wasn't skinny minny when I started but I also wasn't unhappy with my shape. Actually, it wasn't something I thought much about - as long as I could still put on a cute flowy dress I was a happy girl.
Half my life ago, in high school, I ran on the cross country team. The birth of my first son Gunnar brought on some curves but not weight. A few years later, after the birth of AJ, I remained slim, trim, and in a low single digit size. The stillbirth of Kaitlyn, consequential depression, then back to back pregnancy with Max packed on some extra pounds - yet not enough to sound any alarms. So even though Mister Jones tries to console me with "but you have had 4 children"...it doesn't help, because it's not the reason. And as much as I love me some starches and chocolate, that's not the reason either. I don't struggle with portion control.
I struggle with movement. Spending two years in a little grey cubicle, hiney glued to a chair, a phone to my ear, absorbing all varieties of stress and storing it into my body practically paralyzed me. Walks on the beach became less and less, in fact, walks anywhere (other than in a grocery store where I could lean on the shopping buggy for support) were non-existant. By the time I found the gumption to quit, pulled my self respect out of the trash bin and picked my soul up at the reception desk where I checked it everyday, I was over 30 pounds heavier. And those 30 pounds? They put me in the red on the BMI chart.
In the months since leaving the fish factory I have reclaimed my life and promised the girl in the mirror that I would shed those extra pounds even if it meant slicing it off. I started by going up and down the stairs in the house as many times as I could. I do weird little stretches that would probably make a yoga/pilates guru burst into a fit of giggles - but it gets my circulation going and softens the tension in my shoulders & neck. The point is, I try. I walk on the beach again. And while I will never fully say goodbye to candy bars or Starbucks Venti Caramel Frapps, I don't overload. Really!
Still....my weight stands strong and firm, defiant to budge. My jedi mind powers fail to lower the numbers on the scale. And so....hello diet pills.
I know thats bad. I know it may seem as though I am not being logical. I know that diet pills are meant to be dirrrty little secrets. I've spent hours online trying to determine which ones to buy, reading suspicious reviews that seem to be planted strategically, and wondering if I am crazy for even contemplating it. I'd even almost put the idea of taking diet pills away in the part of my brain labelled "Do Not Try This At Home" when I came acrossed another recent picture of me on my son's graduation day. I cried. And I am NOT that vain. I'm all for throwing my hair in a clip & trudging out & about in a house-dress with nary a cosmetic on my face. I'm (mostly) comfortable in my own skin. But I can't let the weight win, I adamantly refuse to go up in clothing size!! Plus y'all, I'm short, and the rounder I get the shorter I seem. Oompa Loompa anyone?
I bought the diet pills early this morning. I only took one, with a tall glass of water, waited the required 15 minutes and ate a Special K breakfast bar. So far, no weird side effects. In fact, I feel a little better than usual. I will to tell you what kind I bought but first I need you to know that I IN NO WAY want to be an advertisement for them. Good, bad, or ugly results - I am just here to chart my own experience. I bought the stuff that starts with Xena (as in Warrior Princess??) and the last 5 letters are the same as the stuff you take when you have "a headache THIS big". Sorry to be all mysterious about it, just don't want it popping up on some random search, you know? Anyhoo, you are smart cookies, I know you'll figure it out. =)
If they don't work, which my husband says they won't because he's especially supportive like that, GRRR, then well, he gets to be right. And if they do, then I will not have spent $26 on a snake oil remedy. Also, assuming they work, I will maybe lose enough to do a little Bootcamp, Billy Blanks style...cause right now those DVD's are nothin' but little dust collectors.
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar