breathing.

Grief is such a confusing thing. You work hard to push away the sorrow, to reach back in time and extract only memories of happier, healthier times, so you can smile....but it seems that even when you are ok with someones passing because you know that they are no longer suffering, the pain is gone, and in Heaven they are made whole again (and, as I like to think, youthful) - the grief still seeps in, and the tears still pour out.

I really don't want to be consumed with sadness at Christmastime. This happened several years ago when my father passed away just before Christmas and I wasn't even left with the wherewithall to put up a tree. I can't go there again. No spiraling. No black holes. So yesterday I took a little drive to sort of give myself a "suck it up cupcake" pep-talk....the changing scenery was so pretty, the sun was shining, the air was crispy....and at the end of the road I was travelling was a YARN SHOP.

The Knitting Sisters in Williamsburg. I needed to pick out a little something for a gift exchange I am participating in over on Ravelry, and the store website said they would be open on Sunday for holiday shopping. Just what the doctor ordered!

Honestly, I am not all that in love (or even lust for that matter) with this shop. In fact, it sort of made me homesick for the other yarn shop I used to shop at. I don't mean that TKS is not nice, or worth the trip every now and then...it's just maybe...out of my league? I don't know.

On the surface, the knit sista's place has alot going for it - located in a quaint little shopping village, very picturesque with its double doors open to welcome visitors, hot cider & stale (but cute and festive!) cookies in the backroom. But scratch beneath that surface? Yeah, slim pickin's on EXPEN$IVE small skeins of yarn better suited to knitters. The store was hopping with customers though, most seemed to be visiting from out of town. Most also seemed to be AARP card carriers.

Ok, so I don't mean that in a derogatory way. Quite the opposite - cause I was beyond a shadow of a doubt, the youngest shopper there for the entire hour I squandered wandered! Also on the plus side, I was treated quite nicely by the staff even once they found out I had a low price limit. The novelty of my purchase being a gift for a fellow Ravelrer amused them and they offered some suggestions. This made me feel much more comfy...cause let me be honest, some of those price tags were makin' me shake in my Nikes. $45 for 130 yards of handpainted merino. $50 for an even smaller amount of cashmere. And how do I even know its really cashmere? I read not too long ago about some bogus labelling in the fiber industry, and since I'm not a spinner, or a farmer of critters (FarmVille not included), how could I be sure?

It wasn't hard to pick out something nice, altho not entirely easy to pick something that came within at the Secret Santa spending boundaries. But I did it. I love shopping for secret gifts. ****ON SECOND THOUGHT, This sentence has been edited out to avoid the 1 in a million chance that she reads this before she gets her present!**** I got some for me too, so I'll let ya know. Oh, and I also bought myself an Addi crochet hook. It has a grip handle on it, so it seems like it would be heavier than the average hook - but that thing is feather light! Can't wait to use it...maybe this evening if I can squeeze in some crochet time after the homework workshop with Max.

The homework workshop....ugh. I don't wanna go (kicking feet!). But I really could use some new tricks on how to make homework time "a pleasure for my child and me". I swear, if they give me just one brilliant, never-before-tried-in-my-household technique? I will hug them. Maybe even kiss them. Or bake them some cookies. Because that's how much I need their help.

Well kids, I should maybe get busy...I've got two packages to mail off today and that line at the post office can be brutal this time of year. Luckily the office is quiet today, allowing me slacker time....hey, don't judge! I had a crazy busy week last week and was on my own alot of the time, holding down the fort during rent week. No easy feat, considering my emotional state of mind. No days off for crying when the boss is in Vegas. But she truly deserved the vacation time, and I survived...and now I'm taking a breather.

Enjoy your day..and hug someone just because you can.


I promise I won't be that cheesy next time. It's just my mood today.