It was Spring 2006 and we were settling happily into our rented townhouse by the beach. It wasn't the house we'd dreamed of buying here in Virginia, but we'd arrived in the dead of winter and after 2 months of living with the sibling-in-laws my husband (rightfully) feared that I would go Lizzie Borden if he didn't get me out of there, pronto. Not that my husbands family is bad, just, well - you move 3000 miles away & go live with people you barely know for 2 months and report back and then we'll talk, ok?
So anyways, back to settling happily into our rented townhouse by the beach...
I loved it! Sure, it was smaller than what we were used to, but I've mentioned "by the beach" twice now because, um, it's by the beach and what's not to love about that? Way better than a big backyard, hands down.
As I set about to make this little place our own, it became apparent that using too much of my same decor & chatchkies from "back home" was making us all a little homesick. I placed my favorites, stored the rest, and went shopping! at
But the kids needed a little sumpin-sumpin, and I'm not talking 6-foot beach towels, no matter how cute. They needed a critter. Sure, we had big-fat-mean-cat Uma who came with us from California, but they needed something else.
A fish! Yeah, fish are cool, low-key, won't pee on the floor and just so happen to be on sale at Walmart. My dudes picked out a very colorful beta with bright reds & blue & quickly dubbed him Superman. I bought one of those big plant vases and pretty baubles for the bottom for him to live in, but no plant. The ones they had were a tad on the Little Shop of Horrors side and I figured better no plant than an ugly plant. Right?
Superman proved to be very cool and he clearly loved us very much. Any time I, I mean, the boys would press their noses to the vase he would get all flashy with those fins & show off.
"Mom, are you ever going to get a plant for Superman?", AJ asked a couple weeks later.
To be honest, I sort of like him "sans plant" - but AJ proceeded to lecture me about how beta fish like to play & sleep among the roots and how we were basically forcing him to live unsheltered and how he had no place to poop in private and pretty much making me feel like a neglectful fish owner. Was I really forcing Superman to hold in bowel movements until lights out so he could "go" unwatched? Did I really just ask myself that question? (Note to self: pick up a good book.)
The next morning I bought a plant: a beautiful but small peace lily that looked perfect in the fish vase.
And that afternoon...Superman died.
Yes, I killed - nay, murdered - Superman with a peace lily. Who knew they were freaking poisonous? Like kryptonite? Ok, besides you, who else knew? I just thought they were pretty, and it was springtime, very nearly Easter, it seemed appropriate at the time, ok? Get off my case.
I flew back to Walmart for a Superman replacement before the kids got home, you know, like any desperate Mom would do.
Except...they didn't have any in red & blue. Naturally. (At which point I probably cussed out loud.)
So I went to the pet store...where they didn't have any either. (At which point I definitely cussed out loud.)
******
Max was the first to notice: "What the heck?....MOM! Superman is a goldfish!" he hollered in amazement.
"Dude, that's not Superman," AJ glared at me.
"Sure it is, he's just Clark Kent right now." And then I walked away. Because I? Am an evil genius like that.
The end.
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