~cliche title here~

Out with the new, in with the old!

Eh.

Everything old is new again?

Hmph.

Look, I tried. I thought what was killing my mojo was feeling haunted by nosy old busybodies so I started a fresh blog. Turns out – fresh starts are overrated and overwhelming. I couldn’t pull off the consistency of posting to establish myself. So here I am again.

Mary Engelbreit says “Wherever You Go, There You Are.”

She’s right.

Of course, she also says crazy stuff like “Life is just a chair of bowlies”.  Um...what does that even mean?

I’m pretty sure we can all agree that Forrest Gump is far more accurate in his statement that “Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates”…..until you try! And that’s what I did. I tried. And now I’m baaa-aaack.

~~~

So who’s ready for Christmas? I’m not – at least not in the sense of getting the gift part accomplished.

I started getting into the spirit about Thanksgiving time and started making some stockings. Cute & easy peasy. Well, easy peasy except for the one with “the toe”. That one made me cuss & rip seams. Even so, holiday cheer was starting to seep into my psyche.

And then the stupid car threw a hissy fit. It’s all my fault.

You know how they say not to say certain things out loud because giving voice to them pretty much activates it? (Think: Wonder Twins) Well, there was this one day that gas had gone down to $3.09/gallon (dirt cheap in there here parts) so, being the very grown up person that I am (shut it), I decided to fill ol’ Miss Daisy all the way up. 


As I was pulling away from the gas station my dashboard was telling me I had 396 miles to go until empty. First I was all, “HOLLA! I can get back & forth to work all week without any gas pitt-stops, go me!” And then I was all, “watch this thing break on a full tank”. And then it did! That bitch broke.

Well, not like right there dead in its tracks or anything. I mean, made it the 25 miles to work, pulled into my usual spot, turned it off, and then it broke. I sat and watched a cloud of smoke (or steam, whatever) billow from under the hood. You’d a though Snoop Dogg was up under therrre!

I cried and called Craig and got mad at him, as per The Wife how-to manual. 

·         Me: *sob* The car is *sob* broke.

·         Him: I can’t hear you.

·         Me: *sob* The car is *sob* BROKE!

·         Him: I still didn’t hear you, you’re breaking up, are you...
                                        ~CLICK~

·         Me: *The clicking was me. I hung up on him. Oh come on! He couldn’t hear me, what was I supposed to do?*

He called me back but I didn’t answer. What if I had been stranded on the side of the road somewhere? Hello, I needed him to be worried!! So I waited until the 3rd ring of his 2nd phone call  - and then I answered. It's all about timing people. 

·         Me: *SOB!* HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

·         Him: Yes, calm down, whats wrong?

·         Me: Are you SURE you can hear me? Because I don’t have all day for you to go get a hearing aid…

·         Him: I can hear you, what is wrong?

·         Me: The car is broke. There’s all this smoke wafting out from under the hoo-oood *sob*…

·         Him: Is it smoke or is it steam?

·         Me: How am I supposed to know? It’s like I’m sitting to close to the stage at a KISS concert and I’m scared shooting flames are up next! What if it EXPLODES?

·         Him: It’s not going to explode.

·         Me: It might. You don’t know. I filled it all. the. way. full of gas this morning.

·         Him: It won’t explode.

·         Me: You are gonna feel so bad if it does.

·         Him: Go inside, I will see you in a little while.

Later in the day he arrived with his tool bucket. That's right, tool (old 5 gallon paint) bucket.

He has a tool box.

He brought his tool bucket.

But I can’t pick on his in good conscience at this point because the man is like House, M.D. when it comes to diagnosing cars. Pure genius. He figured out what I needed to do to make it to work & home all week until he could do the major repair that weekend. I knew he could do it!

Now if only I could find a way to speak a million bucks into my bank account….

~~~