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Celebrity Apprentice, Week 7

I missed the first hour of Celebrity Apprentice the other night because we were squeezing in a Redbox movie (Paranormal Activity 3) before it had to go back.

At first I was a little bummed that we missed Regis Philbin but then I found out that Debbie Gibson was fired & disappointment turned to relief. I had taken to calling her Debbie GoAwayson anyways. 

Ummm, so...hairdo aside, what the heck is wrong with Donald Trump?


The orange man had E-V-E-R-Y (evvverrreee) reason to fire Lou Ferrigno right in the palm of his hand and instead he fired Dee Snider. I don’t understand. I mean, so we didn’t see Mister Twister or whatever his name is doing anything exactly spectacular but at least nobody had to constantly spoon-feed his ego. Lou, on the other hand, is like The Incredible Baby. I'm still shaking my head. Big mistake, Donald. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now…

Ok, I don’t really have to go shopping. I just like using movie lines from Pretty Woman.

On the upside, Aubrey finally got put in her place, huh?

 High-five Arsenio Hall! Err’body punch the air and say wooot-woooot!

Normally I’m not a big fan of the whole yelling in someone’s face thing, but that Aubrey has no one to blame except herself. Even when she turned to Teresa Giudice for support she tried to weasel in a “haven’t I taught you so much”… that was nuts! And Teresa, oh Teresa. I know she claims to be “the opposite of slow” but I’m not certain she is using the word “opposite” correctly.  

By the way - Aubrey walking off? She comes back. According to Google she "went to church" to escape the people who knocked her off her pedestal negativity. The brat gave herself a time-out, whoopdy-doo.

Clay continues to impress me.

Penn seems to have retreated from the game ever since Clay verbally spanked him but I hope he finds his way back. He uses big words and I love me some big-word talkin’ folks.

Dayana needs to do something MORE.

Lisa needs to enroll in anger management.

And again, I am at a loss as to who else is on the show….

Maybe I Have Oppositional Defiance?

Saturday it rained. It was gloomy & grey & it rained. Alot.

Guess what I did?

I ran errands. Almost all day. In the rain. (Wearing flip flops.)

Sunday it looked like this:

Sorry my cell phone pics are less than stellar...

Guess what I did?

I stayed inside. Almost all day. And sewed. Admiring the sunshine from inside my window. Well, except for the morning jaunt above to snap a pic of the sparking water.


My life appears to be a pattern of irregularity.


On the upside ~ I was productive!

I made a curtain for one of the dormer windows upstairs. We live in an old Cape Cod so we have 3 dormer windows - one in each of the upstairs bedrooms & this one. No one ever really looks out this window because its to your back as you go up the stairs to the older boy's bedroom's. There is a small landing where you can stand but it's not exactly "accessible" unless you are a cat or use cat-like moves to shimmy over to it. The only people who will really ever see this awesome, amazing, fun window covering are my boys who live up there and their friends. And the two cats. Also? It already had a sheer panel. So really? I made this curtain just to keep from making my bedroom curtains. 

After scaring my husband into thinking I was going to fall off the tiny landing if I didn't "just hang the curtain & get down already" I felt very accomplished and inspired to finally get started on my bedroom curtains decorate some...

Baby Onsies??

For a kid that is not due to enter this world until JULY. 

This morning I woke up and the first thing I laid eyes on were our semi-nekkid windows. I yearned for another day off to finally get started - but who am I kidding? I was better off heading to work, where we finally learned our department has survived the takeover & we are safe! 

Dear Facebook Friends - sorry for this repeat of weekend events! 

What's Meant To Be Will Always Find A Way

Fate?

Divine Intervention?

The Law of Attraction (what you think about you bring about)?

Sheer luck?

Or simply just the right thing, at the right time….

Whatever the case may be, I am beyond SUPER excited to be putting together an event for Dress A Girl Around The World.

Yesterday I was combing the DAGATW website with tears in my eyes & inspiration in my heart. I turned to my coworker & told her how I’d like to host something here in our area. She then turned to her computer & emailed her mother in law who happens to be a missionary, fresh off a trip to Africa. She asked her MIL how she felt about utilizing the gymnasium at her church for making dresses & sent her the link. A few minutes later came her response: “YES! YES! YES! We can start Yesterday!”

The she emailed me & her email started like this: “Dear Blessing~"..

I’ve been called a few things in my time….but not that! We exchanged phone numbers & I called her after work.

After knowing I had a place secured, I contacted the Dress A Girl ladies.

Before I laid my head down on my pillow last night I had responses from BOTH of them ~ full of encouragement.

I’m not expecting this whole process to go off without a hitch, I’ve got some homework to do & a lot of details to iron out ~ but wow how things come together when you are doing what you are meant to be doing!

If you have ever been to a sewing event like this or similar, if you are a sewista or play one on TV, I’d love to have your input of creative idea’s. Please. I’m begging. ;)

Dress A Girl web: http://www.dressagirlaroundtheworld.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Official-Page-for-Dress-a-Girl-Around-the-World/120143268025715

Dress A Girl Virginia blog: http://dressagirlaroundtheworld-va.blogspot.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dress-A-Girl-Around-The-World-Virginia/113337822079966

Links to other states on Facebook!!

Celebrity Apprentice Week What?

Although I’ve been watching this season’s Celebrity Apprentice faithfully, what week we are in totally escapes me. If I had to guess I’d say we are half way through THE WORST SEASON OF FEMALE CELEBS EVER.

This show is going to Cancellation City in a handbasket. It blows that much.

At the start, I had no idea who Aubrey O’Day even was. Now I do. She’s the one with big red hair and a big brain. I love how smart she really is. Yeah yeah, she’s a bit of a self-horn-tooter and I’m not a fan of her alliance with Lisa Lampanelli, but she sure does give it her all.

Speaking of Lisa, I thought I would enjoy her so much more than I do. As it turns out, I think she needs a round of anger management. Such a bully! 

And together? She and Aubrey have GOT TO STOP saying how all the idea’s are theirs – given their track record, that is no gold star accomplishment.

For the most part, I remain a fan of Penn. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the little David & Goliath moment when Clay Aiken put him in his place for being over the top bossy, but still. He’s got good idea’s. I think he and Aubrey should pair up.

Did you hear Clay sing on last night’s episode? OH MY LANTA – where do I sign up to be a Claymate??

Arsenio & Teresa are playing under the radar – time to see them both come alive & get as feisty as we all know they are capable of.

Who else is on the show? Oh yes....

Dee Snider - He’s pretty decent.

Paul Something – eh, fire him already.

Lou “They Don’t Utilize Me So I Cry A lot But Look At My Big Muscles” Ferrigno– time’s up dude, you gotta follow Paul out the door.

Dayana – she may actually have what it takes to trump (haha, Trump!) Aubrey but she has got to {for the love of sparkly tiara's everywhere!!!} SPEAK UP more...like say, oh, BEFORE the boardroom.

Debbie Gibson – should have been fired for the horrifying lip-syncing of her overly synthesized song. And for giving Aub's this fake hug. Maybe she will be the one to walk out next week? One can only hope…

This week's task was to throw a party for Crystal Light's new line of "mocktails" - Peach Bellini & Pomtini. The ladies threw a beautifully polished & posh looking party compared to the mens rough around the edges/sand on the floor beach party - and yet those chicks still lost. Why? Because Debbie Gibson wrote a song that she lip synced to and Clay Aiken bolted out Under The Boardwalk sans instruments & EVERYONE sang along - even me at home. Ok maybe that's not the sole reason, but it's my reason. {To think I was once a Debbie Gibson fan ~ it was the 80's and there was no accounting for taste.} 

Remember when The Donald used to play back video's of what the teams had done so the losing team could see what the winning team did? Why doesn't he do that anymore? Can someone ask him please & get back to me on that?

Sometimes I Take Things Too Personally

***3/26/2012 UPDATE: I received a response from PL Headquarters & she was WONDERFUL!! I shared my concern in a nice way. This charity is definitely an awesome way to participate in caring for babies & I don't want to discourage anyone from joining their own local chapters!***




After I became a crocheter I almost instantly developed a desire to crochet for charity. This desire increased when I began to sew. As a mother of 3 healthy boys and 1 baby girl who went straight to heaven from the womb, I have a natural desire to want to comfort babies. 

I don't know about you, but when I think crocheting & sewing for babies, I think blankets. 

Blankets + charity = Project Linus. (PL)

I've followed news of PL for a few years now and early on I contacted the chapter organizer listed for my area but never got a response back. I chalked this up to a couple of things: 1) this is a military area, people move on all the time and 2) the PL website was under construction for quite some time & may not have been accurately updated. 

I found ways to donate things other ways - at drop off points that were on PL's radar and by simply giving to other charities. 

Fast forward to earlier this week, I'm surfing Pinterest and blogs on my lunch hour and decide to go check out what Project Linus is up to these days. 

A new improved website & an upcoming national conference, WOW! Very cool I think as I click the chapter listing button to see who I need to contact about participating locally.  

When I found my area, the email address looked vaguely familiar & I couldn't help but wonder if it was the one I emailed a few years back? Hmm...maybe yes, maybe no. Either way I sent my inquiry and went back to PL's main page, tickled that I might get to become involved. I'm a nerd like that. 

The following day when I hadn't heard back I emailed headquarters too. Antsy much? :) To my mind, this was my 2nd inquiry to very possibly the same email address from before so why waste time waiting for what may not come? In this day and age people check their emails quite often, I mean - do we not get alerts on our cell phone even? Plus, if you are in charge of something, isn't it part of your routine to check daily? Or am I just assuming too much? Maybe I am. One aspect of my day job that requires me to promptly reply to all of my emails - and I would not be exaggerating to say I get nearly 100 daily at work - all valid, all important, all requiring me to say something back. It's possible I put my own conscientiousness off on other people, wanting them to be equally efficient in their jobs. {Antsy AND humble! :) }

Come to think of it, though, I'm getting paid for my work. This gal is not getting paid. Add to that she is probably happy with her group how it is and doesn't really want any newcomers. By Jove, I think I've got it! A little epiphany in the midst of my rant...perhaps that's why  her response was so salty?

Here's what I said: 

Hi there ~ found your email address on PL chapter site & am wondering
if this is still an active group? I'd like to participate. Thanks! 

And here is the response I (finally) received:

It depends upon your definition of active.  We meet monthly for workshops (the next one will be editing out name & location to protect the innocent.) We deliver over 100 blankets per month to the various agencies in the area.  Traveling to all these places takes the majority of my time so I don't respond to email immediately.  Sorry about that. 

It depends on my "definition of active"? Hm. What IS my definition of active. Let's check out my choices:

ac·tive

   [ak-tiv]

adjective

1.

engaged in action;  characterized by energetic work,participation, etc.; busy: an active life.

2.

being in a state of existence, progress, or motion: activehostilities.

3.

involving physical effort and action: active sports.

4.

having the power of quick motion; nimble: active as a gazelle.

5.

characterized by action,  motion, volume, use, participation,etc.: an active market in wheat; an active list of subscribers.

Ok, I pick 1, 2, 3, & 5. (I opt out on 4 because "quick motion" doesn't really apply & let's face it - I'm built for comfort, not speed.)

Then I love how she says "Sorry about that". Really? Because I'm thinking NOT lady.

It's not like she said "Buzz off, we don't take kindly to new members around here..." or "No room at the inn" or anything but I definitely think that my contacting PL HQ is what prompted her to reply at all & that's why she's not saying something more appropriate. You know - like:

"Hi, thanks for your email - so happy to have a new set of hands to participate in this CHARITY FOR BABIES. I'm quite busy so sometimes I don't get the time I'd like to reply..."

Actually, I can think of no less that 5 suitable, kind, appreciative ways she could have responded to me. Instead she offered no more than the location of the next get together and she didn't even bother to add "look forward to meeting you"...What should I expect from the next get together? Do I bring my machine or yarn or whatever blanket I'm working on? Or is it a collection meeting where you bring blankets ready to go? I DON'T KNOW, she didn't offer those kinds of details. 

Maybe I caught her on a particularly pissy day, we all have them. Maybe she hasn't had any good lovin' lately??? Who knows. All I know for certain is that her less than gracious response left me feeling I had interrupted her busy life. And I told her so. 

OMG, I did. I told her so.

I never do that. I always just let people slide. But not this time. If she is entitled to having her reasons for her salty response, then certainly I am entitled to as well. Good for the goose and all......

I have to tell you, my hubby took a peek over my should in this midst of my little tangent here and I stopped to show him the email. Even he, The Most Un-Offendable Man On Planet Earth who usually lets me know when I'm being ridonkulously sensitive, said (considering it was written by a woman representing a baby-related charity chapter) it was not a very welcoming response. "Borderline snobby" he called her email.

Snobby is a term widely used for a certain older generation of quilters in this area. 

Can't say I haven't been warned about them. Can't say I haven't seen them in action at The Mid-Atlantic Quilt Festival (where last year they tried to BAN a quilt depicting a pregnant homeless woman by calling it sexually explicit - see below!!). Oh and I have for sure seen them in action pushing other ladies carts out of THEIR precious paths at The Fabric Hut during the annual sale. They are a clique'ish bunch to say the least. Perhaps this local PL chapter is clique-y in the same manner? 

When I first moved to Virginia I knew nary a soul, except the in-laws, who I didn't know all that well. Through learning crochet and through starting a meetup group, I met some of the most amazing women who I'm sure will be life-long friends. Together we formed the Hampton Roads SnB and due to not wanting to exclude anyone, we had different group meetings and events on both sides of the water. We had meetings to accommodate the SAHMs with toddlers, we had meetings to accommodate working women - we expanded to include all who wanted to be included - like a giant freaking hug! 

My little inquiry into PL did not leave me feeling hugged. Not that I need a hug (I happen to get good lovin') but a little class on her part would have gone a long way.

I guess either way, I got my answer - THIS mama will NOT be participating in THAT chapter.

Strike two for seeking information on Project Linus - not going for a 3rd, not going to be put OUT. There is more than one way to participate in a charity.

Dress A Girl Around The World suits me better. I get to make the girly things in Kaitlyn's honor. 

***

 {{{ Link to "the quilt" from 2011 }}}

My Pink Bike

This little beauty was last months yard sale find. It may very well be the most awesome thing I own, except the sewing machine of course!


Hopefully its PINK~ness and "girl bar" will keep it from being overtaken by the guys in my house. 


My last yard sale beach cruiser was blue. It had a cupholder and a basket but neither thing made it "mom" enough to stop the boys from commandeering it. This one, though? Well,  this one might just be left alone. 


I have this silly habit of naming my vehicles. In my minivan days there was VANessa. Badass Betty was my Suburban. Our Santa Fe we called Tina. Like Tina Fey...get it? Now I have my gold car, Daisy, named for Driving Miss Daisy because it feels like an old ladies ride. I've never named a bicycle before, but again, in the interest of protecting it from getting taken over I have got to 'mom it up' as much as I can.


It's a toss up between Pinky Tuscadero ~ OR ~ Frenchie...decisions, decisions...

 

Curtain Call!

We’ve been in our little haunted cape cod by the beach for two years now.

I’ve had a sewing maching for one year now.

One would think that is ample time in which to produce some window coverings, wouldn't one?

Apparently not for me.

I made curtains for Max's room and AJ's room and Gunnar's room and the kitchen and even the laundry room for heaven's sake! But despite all my best window-covering-intentions, our bedroom remains plain.

We have plain white walls and plain white mini-blinds and a plain white down comforter.

But before you conjure up images of straight-jackets - know that I have lots colored sheets & blankets!!! 

Admittedly, I have changed my mind way too many times on how I want it to look so it's probably a thing of luck that I haven’t gone hog wild with every whim thus far…otherwise I’d have a real mess.

I have the kind of husband who doesn’t care what colors I use. His only requirements are that it’s comfortable and that he gets to sleep with me. Sweet, right? Yeah, well...don’t go getting all impressed because let me tell you, he is also the kind of husband who tells me all the different ways different home-improvement projects I want to do won’t work.) 

I have to tell you though, having the freedom to choose any color scheme I want? It's way more of a burden than a blessing. 

I can’t make up my mind because there is no one saying “oh hells no!” to the idea’s I come up with. 

If he would just tell me no one time, then I would know for certain that that is EXACTLY what I want to do. 

Instead, I have enough yardage of discarded fabric to hang myself. 

True story: I once came acrossed a purple velvet Buddha at Marshalls and decided to build a scheme around him. That’s when I bought the white down comforter too. I had this airy, lavender & white, bohemian beachy look all conjured up in my head with pops of purple.

HE DID NOT SAY NO.

Then I decided I wanted something still beachy but more Cape-Coddy so I decided white with shades of blue & gray & maybe even cream. I found gorgeous fabric for window coverings on the clearance wall at the Fabric Hut in Norfolk. But guess what? There are three windows in our room and I bought enough to cover 2. I ignored the first rule of the clearance wall: BUY THE WHOLE BOLT DUMBASS. To be fair, I have plenty to make valances for all three – but matching those shades of blue, gray, and cream are not happening. I’d need to make a duvet too.

HE DIDN’T BLINK AN EYE AT MY DILEMMA.

I tried to tell him how if our bedroom was a beautiful sanctuary I would go in there & pretty much float in bliss and probably be more prone to bouts of silence instead of pillow chatter…I did not work. He reminded me that A. I am not a fairy nor in a fairy tale and B. He has zero hope in me ever talking less.

So now I am on to this "chabby-chic meets Betsey Johnson in a Jane Austen goes to visit Alice in Wonderland" feel. Black & white & pink & roses & rabbits. I went too far with the rabbits, didn’t I? Come on, I told you about the purple buddha! Besides, I don't mean actual live rabbits or even stuffed toy rabbits – and I certainly do not mean rabbit fur. It's just I happen to have a beautiful framed print of a rabbit that my Gramps gave me for Christmas years ago and for the first time ever, it’s going to have a prominent place. 

When I told my husband my idea’s, you know what he said?

He said I need a check up from the neck up.

Finally! His ever-so slight annoyance was all the confirmation I needed to proceed. :)

THIS is the fabric I bought from Fabric.com and it arrived as beautiful as I had hoped:

Michael Miller Savannah Black

Michael Miller Charlotte Rose

Now I just need to figure out what the heck kind of curtains I want! Off to Pinterest...

A Ninja & A Crocheted Scarf Save The Day

Yesterday the hubby did his first landscaping of the new year. The yard wasn’t too bad since around these parts the lawn dies off in dormant months but considering March really did come in like a lion, there was some patchy growth and it just seemed messy looking.

His burst of energy wore me out so I ran off to the tanning bed. (Yes, tanning beds are from the devil but they do more than give me the color my paler-than-Edward-Cullen-skin needs, it brightens my mood. Like light therapy. It’s my story, I’ll tell it how I want to.) Whilst waiting for my turn to toast, I eavesdropped on a conversation about the insanely cheap prices on patio furniture at the close-out store.

Three guesses where I went next...the close-out store, naturally!

It’s a place called Ollie’s and it's housed in an old Toys R’ Us building, so it’s a pretty colorful place what with all the Geoffries & the old-school Toys R's Us color-scheme going on. They buy pallets of close-outs from all kinds of other stores –think giant garage sale meets Big Lots. This was only my third excursion into the store, and the first in a few years, so it was practically a brand new experience all over again. And truth be told, kind of exhilarating. 


There were stacks of area rugs in one corner, a mini-book store section in another corner, and miles of isles of stuff you never knew you needed but suddenly have to have. Like hugenormous garden planters and kitchenware and even yarn. Somehow I managed to actually stick to my plan of getting only patio furniture (ok and one planter). Ohhh let me just tell you I scored FOUR (1,2,3,4!) patio chairs for $20 a’piece!! We are talkin' the very same chairs sold last season (and probably this season too) at Target for $49 a’piece. So totally less than half price and completely brand new. Thank’s Crazy Ollie, you’re my new BFF!

I was so excited that I didn’t stop to think about how I would cart them home until I was standing in the parking lot glancing back & forth between my stack of chairs and my trunk. A little Japanese lady had just pulled up beside me and she started glancing back & forth between my stack of chairs, my trunk, and me.

I’m a little ashamed to tell you that my first thought was if I didn’t look at her, she would wander on into the store. I was trying to focus on my task at hand and small talk doesn’t come easy for me when I’m on a mission. And even though she was very grandmotherly, I figured she really just wanted to make sure I didn’t thwack her car. As it turns out, she just wanted to help – and help she did! It took about 20 minutes, but she never left my side until we got those 4 chairs wedged in to the car & tied my trunk practically closed with an abandoned crocheted scarf that had been in there for months. That little Japanese lady? Totally a ninja. 

I drove the 12 miles home going down the main drag at about 25 miles per hour. It was pretty obvious to everyone that I was hauling loot so no one got all road rage on me.

So then I’m sitting on my front porch and thinking it looks pretty drab. We had taken down the windchimes & flower baskets before winter (lest they blow away) and nothing seemed appropriate to put back up. I mean, it’s practically springtime, it was the first day of Daylight Savings Time (don’t get my husband started on that), there is fresh growth starting to appear on lawns & in trees – it just seemed wrong to put up the same old stuff, ya know?

But I had just spent 80 bucks on chairs. Close-out prices or not, 80 bucks is 80 bucks am I right? What’s a mama to do when she has this insane urge to nest? That’s easy: Dollar Tree!

At the Dollar Tree I scooped up 12 bunches of hot pink lilles and a cute little windchime (that may or may not last the breeze of a really fast bicycler going by, but whatever, it’s cute). Last month I bought a really pretty new “Welcome” flag with hot pink & orange lillies on a black background so I almost squealed out loud (ok I DID squeal outloud) when I realized what a perfect compliment they would be. Even the cashier was all "oooooh gurrl,   these are puh-rettay!" She asked me if I was going to make a wreath and I told her no, some hanging baskets, but now I've got this weird underlying desire to make a flippin' wreath. The power of suggestion is a beast. 

Back at home I set up "flower shop" on my front porch. I cleaned out my wire hanging baskets, padded them with new moss, and made two "Spring-y" arrangements. I love them. And the best part: I can’t kill them!

I can’t wait to sit on our front porch this evening and fondly remember the crochet scarf that gave it's life so that 4 chairs could safely travel to their new home. 

Sewcial Studies Book Review

I went a little crazy on Amazon a few weeks ago. 


That's what happens when you don't leave work on your lunch hour & instead spend the time carousing the world wide web. 


Now before I give you my little review let me first say that I was not asked to do this nor am I being compensated in any way by anyone, anywhere. This is simply my honest to goodness, unadulterated, extremely novice opinions on some books I purchased in an attempt to hone my skills. M'kay? 

Oh and furthermore: I am purposely not providing prices or links because, not only do I not have an affiliation with any one source, but I don't want to make it THAT easy for you to spend money unwisely. As I may or may not have the tendency to do. If you want to know more than my measley opinion of these titles, you'll have to go searching on your own. This covers my buns in the event you go hog wild. 

And now down to business...

Sew Serendipity by Kay Whitt



I really like this book & am really happy to have it in my collection. It's written in a way that my pea-brain can understand & comes with paper patterns in the back. The pictures are adorable but to be fair they are simply cute vignette's are pretty girls wearing the finished frocks. The pictures of the steps are actually color pencil drawings and while they do the trick, I prefer photographed step by step instruction. Overall, it makes me HAPPY. 










The New Handmade: Simple Sewing For Contemporary Style by Cassie Barden

Not what I would call a "must have" for your collection, sorry. It has great photographs but any pattern pieces would have to be photocopied first. Not only that, but there isn't a single project in the entire book that you cannot find a free tutorial of on some amazing sewista bloggers blog. Just sayin. My copy may end up being a donation to my city library. My apologies Cassie, I'm sure you are a fabulous sewista and maybe at the time your book was published these were brand new ideas. I just didn't find it to be what I want in a book over $20. 






1000 Clever Sewing Shortcuts & Tips by Deepika Prakash

Oh Em Gee this book is a never-ending source of sewing smartness! Deepika compiled a THOUSAND idea's from various people from around the universe. Despite it's size being somewhat like a magazine only thicker I still think it's a great book to cart around with you to doctor offices or the beach. It reads kind of like one of those 1001 Things You Never Needed To Know Bathroom Readers that your husband probably has. Your husband doesn't read those? Oh um then neither does mine, haha. 


Last but not least, the book I forgot to take a picture of. Figures! But in case you care, its the one on the top of the stack in the first picture. 


The Sewing Machine Accessory Bible by Wendy Gardiner & Lorna Knight
Now for all of you that grew up sewing and were taught by Moms & Grandmoms - this book is probably nothing new to you. But for chicks like me who came to sewing later in life & without the benefit of having a family member close enough (or alive enough) to teach them, this is really & truly a Bible. It demonstrates the various feet & how to use them. I love it & will NOT be donating this one to ANYONE because its MINE MINE MINE!

Celebrity Apprentice Week 1

I admit it. You don't even have to twist my arm. 

I will say it loud & proud: I am a Celebrity Apprentice Junkie.

Go ahead & judge if you must, but know that I am without shame on this.

You can keep your Bachelor and your Bachelorette and your Survivor and every single one of those Look What Washed Up On The Jersey Shore-ites. 


Just leave me The Donald. 


I know, I know. He's orange. He sports a really bad comb-over. He's completely full of himself. I grant you all of it. 


But I don't care because I don't love the show for him. 

I love the show for the tasks and the creativity. And, fine, sometimes even for the sub-par celebrities too. 


But does that matter? Can't I just like a tv show please? It's not like I'm one of those middle aged Twi-hards. Gosh!

Last night was the 2 hour season opener, which required me to take a nap so that I could stay awake for it all. I really wish Mr. Trump would consider breaking the show into 2 one-hour episodes/twice a week – especially since we are talking about school/work nights. This would also keep me from having to wait an entire SEVEN days between shows.

I’m not much of a re-capper but here are my Week 1 opinions of the 2012 cast:

Tia Carrere – her facial expressions appear painful...are those cheek implants supposed to resemble shoulder blades?

Pauly Teutel Sr – Somebody please make him take his manners out of his acid-washed-Levi’s pocket.  I hope predict he will be the first dude to be fired.

Lisa Lampanelli - I knew right way I’d like her because I already enjoy her brash & sassy persona. Plus? She said “Holler”, emphasis on the -er. Funny!

Penn Jillette – this dude took my attention by surprise. When he stepped up to strategize on the whole “Chopper” branding thing, I was like “oh hey, he’s a smart one!”.

Adam Corolla – quick with the comedy relief, but kind of suspect he won’t know when the reel it in when in the boardroom. That may get annoying.

Victoria (OhMy!) Gotti - the only other human orange-er than The Donald. Can we get hair & makeup on damage control with this one please? STAT?!

Arsensio Hall – I think he’s just there for fun. I don’t see him taking anything too seriously.

George Takei – Not meek. Got it. Type-A fo’sho though.

Cheryl Tiegs – I didn’t think she’d be the first to go until she started separating cheese slices at a slower rate than it actually takes to process.

Aubrey O’Day – Who?

Lou Ferrigno – Hulk SMASH! Sorry, had to. Ok so how did he not know that “guns” was slang terminology for “My, what large arms you have!”?

Dayana Mendoza –could have sworn she was Marc Anthony’s ex. Anyhoo, pretty sure she’s hitching her star to Patreeceeah’s wagon.

Patricia Velasquez – I want to like her, but me thinks her pride will goeth before her falleth.

Debbie Gibson – Debbie, Deborah, Debbie again…does she just keep changing it Out Of The Blue? Haha, get it?

Clay Aiken – Tweeted during first episode that he didn’t want hear about George Takei’s loins…Oh Clay. Me thinks thou doth prostest too much.

Teresa Guidice – does not amuse Victoria in the slightest. Is it wrong to hope for a confrontation between these two?

Dee Snider – after having recently watched his wife Suzette on Celeb Wife Swap, I’ve decided he is an okay guy married to an wonderful woman.

Michael Andretti – the Cheryl Tiegs of the men…perhaps much too nice for this brand of competition.