39 Things To Do In My 39th Year

So I’ve decided that since this 39 thing is happening despite my feelings about it then I may as well jump on board. Plus, I thought of another way to look at it: I’m pretty damn young when you consider I have an almost 20 year old son. Look, I’m no an advocate for having a child at 19 but I’m pretty positive my first born saved me from the kind of lifestyle that reality shows are famous for.

The following are 39 things I’d like to do in my 39^th year. Some may seem a little silly to you but keep in mind they are meant to be attained in a years’ time by a full time working wife & mama. For the most part they are things that I usually talk myself out of for various reasons….

In no particular order:

1.       Learn to sew with something besides cotton

2.       Learn to sew a dress for myself

3.       Hand make Christmas gifts for friends

4.       Get on the Griffin at Busch Gardens

5.       Go to the Outerbanks of Carolina

6.       Host a dinner party

7.       Paint our bedroom

8.       Get a new tattoo

9.       Wear high heels more often

10.   Wear flip flops less often

11.   Buy myself some new Ugg boots in the fall

12.   Get a new exercise ball

13.   Learn some tummy control yoga moves

14.   Support a local charity with hand made items

15.   Sky-dive??? Hubby wants to. I’m not so sure.

16.   Participate in a craft show event

17.   See Josh Groban at the Norfolk Scope

18.   Fly home to California for a visit

19.   Visit Dollywood

20.   Take the Hampton Roads boat tour

21.   Re-pierce the top holes in my ears

22.   Get an adjustable dress form mannequin

23.   Get a new computer

24.   Get an iPod touch that is mine, all mine

25.   Make my cubicle at work a little more inspirational

26.   Get pretty new bedroom furniture after #7 is complete

27.   Go apple picking again at Carters Mountain in Charlottesville

28.   Can homemade apple butter

29.   Be a better blogger

30.   Finally take advantage of the Bath & Body Works coupons I keep getting

31.   Get new winter coat – whatever suits my fancy, not just what’s on the sale rack

32.   Update from a Blackberry to an Android

33.   Take a quilting class or workshop

34.   Host a giveaway on my blog

35.   Start collecting windchimes

36.   See if I can get my 3 boys to sit on Santa’s lap just one more time for a pic together (by then they will be 20, 17, & 11)

37.   Go to a fancy spa for a deep tissue massage

38.   Order lobster and see what all the rage is about – just don’t make me choose from the tank, I’ll cry

39.   Drop 20 pounds before turning 40!!!

*********

PS:

This is my office chair:

It is ergonomically designed to relieve pressure on stress points in the body. 

Right. 

It feels like I'm sitting on patio furniture all day. 

Plus? 

ITS SEE THROUGH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 

You know what I think? I think it needs a cover. Except I'm not quite sure where or how to begin with that particular task. 

Right now it's only redeeming feature is that I just saw Sheldon sitting in the exact same chair on an episode of Big Bang Theory. I heart Sheldon!

Even so. I'm still totally covering mine & adding a cushion just as soon as I figure something office appropriate out. Sorry Sheldy-luv. Mama's tush needs more cush. 

If You're Awesome & You Know It, Clap Your Hands

That’s what I always say! Well, actually this is my first time saying it but who’s counting? The point is, if you are awesome, start clapping & give yourself some credit.  

I’ve been working my way through an exorcism a reinvention and I’ve found incredible strength and inspiration in this poem - which I always thought was by Nelson Mandela but when googling for the sake of this post learned the real author might actually be Marianne Williamson:

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God.

Your playing small 

Does not serve the world. 

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking 

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, 

As children do. 

We were born to make manifest 

The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; 

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, 

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we're liberated from our own fear, 

Our presence automatically liberates others.

"Your playing small does not serve the world" ~ The entire poem is sheer genius but that line in particular just resonates. I just want to stick this to bathroom mirrors everywhere so everyone will read it....because I'm pretty sure everyone you ask will say they never tire of feeling its power everytime. 

I'm in a good place emotionally, creatively, spiritually, and employmentally (oh yeah, mama got her old job back!) and I just want to holler from the rooftop - err, make that the front porch, have you seen the roof on this place? 

Anyways, I'm not sure if its the fresh start or being around a ton of amazing people all day again or if its my impending birthday that gets the credit for my new groove - maybe its all three. All I know is I've never been this happy while being this broke - LOL, still waiting on that first paycheck to hit my account. Going from a weekly pay period to bi-weekly takes some adjusting when it wasn't planned for. 

But we're low key people, we find entertainment in playing together or even just being near each other while doing separate things. Like when he's on the couch watching a race or golf and I'm at my sewing machine madly working away on valances and curtains for almost every window in the house. I'm like a crazy person now that I can sew window treatments! Two bedrooms and the laundry down, two more bedrooms and the kitchen to go. I won't mess with my living room - I can't  quite top the gorgeous French Country Waverly thats in there at the moment, but I'm working on it. 

Eventually I'm hoping to land a dress form mannequin so I can try my hand at clothes for myself. I'm falling hard and fast in love with the retro 50's housewife dresses - I wonder if I can pull that off? I may be more Ethel than Lucy in the size department so I'll need an adjustable one, but hubby just says I've got more to love on. Awwww....

Wait - rewind! He wasn't supposed to say that, he was supposed to say I'm totally a Lucy. Maybe I'll just start calling him Fred. Or Ricky Retardo. 

I can't believe it, but in a couple of days I will be entering the last year of my 30's. 

INSANE. 

I don't even want to say the number 39, it depresses me. 

I'm looking forward to 40 next year. 

40 sounds cool, I like it. 

But this 39 business is just weird. 

I'm not a girl, not yet menopausal. 

Hit it Britney!

Note to self:

Test post from BB :)

25 Things About Me

Because I am a copy cat and because I'm sure you were all dying to know, here are my 25 things about me:

(Idea totally stolen from Airing My Dirty Laundry's blog earlier this week.)

1. My hair is naturally curlier than it has a right to be. We're talking a cross between Bernadette Peters and a Spanish Water Dog curly, not wildly sexy Julia-Roberts-a'la-Pretty Woman curly. I used to spend 30 minutes a day flat ironing it.

2. I will be 39 next month and I'm kind of freaking out about that. It's also why I don't want to spend 30 minutes on hair anymore.

3. The way to my heart is through a pedicure.

4. I adore high heels and sometimes I buy them but then I feel like a little girl playing dress up so I end up wearing flip flops instead.

5. I once drove all the way across the country from California to Virginia by way of Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Tennessee pulling a U-Haul in a Suburban with 3 boys, my 89 year old great grandmother, and a cat. (Mr. Jones had flown out ahead of us to start working.) It took 7 days/6 nights. We all survived. 

6. I am allergic to walnuts but not pecans. They give me blisters in and around my mouth & swell my throat. This is not something you want to see. Ever.

7. My newest favorite book is The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

8. As a little girl my favorite book was On The Banks Of Plum Creek. For a time I believed myself to be the reincarnation of Laura Ingalls. 

9. As a tween my favorite book was Jacob I Have Loved. 

10. As a teen my favorite book was Flowers In The Attic. (And then all of the VC Andrews books ad nauseum.)

11. The other way to my heart is through strawberry a strawberry patch. I love to go berry picking & then eat them all gone. 

12. Last month I got offended at the wild bunny rabbits who hop through our backyard because they didn't touch the head of cabbage I gave them for days. For. Days. "It's not poison you know!" I maybe cried to them from the kitchen window. 

13. My favorite sitcom is The Big Bang Theory. I big-puffy-heart-love nerdy guys. 

14. I have 4 tattoos, this always shocks people because only the one on my inner ankle is visible. It's a pink daisy with a red ladybug. I wonder if the butterfly above my belly button will look like a moth when I'm 85?

15. If we don't move back home to California, then someday I'd like to move to Nashville. 

16. I am also allergic to stupid people. 

17. If it were up to me, every meal would be either Mexican food or cereal. 

18. In February I joined one of those bootcamp for women exercise classes. This can also be referred to as "the time I went insane". Susan Powter I am not. 

19. My idea of a hot date is dinner & a stand-up comedy show. 

20. I fully believe that since I am the only woman in the house I should never have to take out the trash. 

21. My biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world is eating noises. Unless something is crunchy, we should not hear you smacking your chops. I especially hate it when actors over-act the act of eating. Really? You have to suck your teeth & make gulping sounds between sentences? I wanted to beat Brad Pitt to a pulp in Ocean's Eleven. And I'm still not sure how "Eat, Pray, Love" made my top 10 movie list considering it's all about some chowin' down. 

22. My favorite SATC girl is Charlotte. 

23. I traumatized my husband with information I found on ancestry.com. That's an "in the near future" blog story. My own ancestry currently appears to be pretty damn boring; however I remain diligent in my quest to find a royalty link somewhere. It's got to be there. I can feel it. 

24. The only game show I like is Jeopardy.

25. I love going to watch plays. In the theater, at a high school, musical or not. 

Your turn? 

WARNING: Bad sentence structure ahead

Just so ya know, I'm long winded tonight....

First, and most importantly, thank you to so many of you for your kind words this past Friday. I made it through the work day with mascara intact! And I even spent the evening doing something a little different - something fun with a girlfriend who proposed a new way of honoring Kaitlyn: with a toast instead of a tear. 

Her name is Tina & she took me to a really yummy Indian place for dinner. Because she's, like, sophisticated n' stuff. 


I'd never been to an Indian restaurant before (kind of on purpose because the smell of curry makes me want to hurl) and the only other time I've even eaten Indian food is when Tina ordered some take-out - but this place was wonderful. :) 


I had the ginger-mango chicken in "medium" and HELLOOO spicy mama! I should have known when the waitress asked "mild, medium, hot or Indian hot" that they meant business in the caliente department. Luckily I lurves me some spicy. 


I also indulged with lots and lots of naan (bread?) and some kind of cilantro based sauce and some other sauce that may or may not be called Pinot Grigio. 


Tina ordered a drink that looked alot like ice cold pepto bismal in a tall frosty glass but really it was non-alcoholic fruit-milk (?) since she was the DD. Have I told you how many awesomes it is to be carted around on a girl-date in a silver convertible Mustang? LOVE IT. 

Tina is also my artsy friend (we saw Wicked together) so dinner was not all she had lined up for me that evening. After we were sufficiently full and I was warm & fuzzy from my wine spicy chicken we headed to the Starving Artist Studio and painted us some pottery.


And ate some more. 


Because no one is EVER too full for a chocolate fondue bar. 


This is my mug - oh, and also my travel coffee cup that I painted. We pick our pieces up this week, I'm so esssited to see how it turned out. :)

We went here, the Starving Artists Studio:

If you can't come to this one, find one near you. Go ahead and Google "paint your own pottery" ~ I'll wait. 


~~~

Saturday sort of became a make up day for Friday - where I let myself go and spent some time with a box of tissue and travelling down memory lane. Mother Nature and I seemed to be on the same wavelength ~ the storm outside mirrored my feelings inside. 

With Sunday came sunshine ~ also inside & out. As a matter of fact, it was all that sunshine in my face that made me see the horror of my eyebrows and ew, nails. Clearly time for a little appearance-maintenance. I love love love a pedicure ~ hot wax or sitting still for a manicure not so much. But the next 2 weekends are gonna be busy, the time was now. (Or then.)

Can I just say that if you are a creature of habit like me that it's okay to stay within your comfort zone?  Let's go with "it's Tina's fault" for what happened when I chose to hit up a different salon. 


All this time I have been perfectly content going to my little down-trodden nail shop with its 4 pedicure chairs and 6 manicure stations but only 2 actual people who work there. But my inner voice sounded suspiciously Tina-like when it was all "why go to that depressing little hole in the wall, dahling, when you can upgrade to the fancy place with the chandelier and the golden buddha for the same price?"....

You thought I was kidding about the chandelier & gold buddha??

BAD IDEA.

They were mean to me you guys. 


Meaner than the Rodeo Drive shops were to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. 


So mean that they did this to me:

Because apparently? I had a beard. Only I didn't. A fact I could have argued with the little old asian lady over had I only understood what she was saying under her sars mask BEFORE she slapped hot wax on my cheek. 

What I THOUGHT she asked me while I was laying back with my eyes closed all vulnerable was if I like my eyebrows thin. I replied "yes, shape them up please". 


Then, slap - aaaah! I sat up, opened my eyes, and gave her the "please don't kill me" look - to which she replied "it ok, I make you sexxy for summatye, good for skin, you relax."


I relax. Sure. Who doesn't relax with their double chin being ripped off one strip at a time? 

Due to "Miss Swann's" advantage over my precarious situation, I decide to not piss her off while she stops me from "alookin' like a man".

The immediate results: see above, lasted 2 hours.

The final results: unnoticeable difference - she did not, by any definition, make me sexxy.

Husbands comments: What the...?? Did they jump you in at the salon? Are you in a gang now? 

Yeah. I'm gangsta and I roll with balls of yarn. 

April Showers

Before April showers have a chance to bring those May flowers, it brings a flood of memories from the saddest day of our lives.

Katie's Day.

Her story is here, please forgive my heart, I don't have the wherewith-all to retell it at the moment. I hope you  will go read it...

I hesitate to use the words "easy" and "better" because neither are adjectives for the loss of a baby - but in regards to the years, some are better than others. This Friday marks number 12. A dozen years since my only daughter was born and died.

During the day I am taking extra measures to doll up the exterior to hide the grief on the interior. Seems superficial I know, but you learn what works and what works for me is smiling. It keeps the lump in my throat down. The tears flow at night when the kids have all gone to sleep and I'm safe in my husbands arms.

Almost always I take the day off. Unfortunately, this year, I will be working because the income is really important. Bright side: it's a Friday.

I am very good at self-control but I'm human and if ever a person deserves a day to be completely self-absorbed mine would be Katie's Day. My emotions on April 15th of any year run the gammit from melancholy to you-don't-wanna-eff-with me. My heartache becomes a scale by which I measure everything selfishly.

I could've asked for the day off in advance except that would've required an explanation. I'm not good at those on "the day of". For me,on any other day of any other month, I can talk about it. April 15th rolls around and I don't want to share and I don't want a hug and I'm not looking for pity, just space. Space (and grace) to be a big fat hot mess so that the rest of the year I can be normal. Whatever the hell normal is. 

I'm lucky to have some beautiful friends back home that know this about me.

Friends that knew us then.

Friends that where there at the funeral.

Friends that still go to Katie's grave and leave flowers because I can't from 3000 miles away.

Friends that don't just go on her birthday & friends that know that texting me pictures of her little headstone is what makes me smile, not cry.

Friends that provide the strongest support system anyone could ask for.

Truly-amazing-awesome-no-holds-barred-got-your-back-loyalty type of friendships are rare, but they are forever.

These are a couple I have received in the past year....

Instead I will ask for Max's birthday off to celebrate his awesomeness. He was born 1 year & 2 weeks to the day after his big sister. He's my lifesaver, my rainbow after the storm.

Yeah, I'd have to say I'm blessed in the 'son' department.

(Me: Ok, pose like Brett Michaels! Them: Um, who is Brett Michaels?) 

(Me: Does it hurt? Him: You know how they say there is no such thing as a dumb question? Well...)

~~~

April Showers ~ Sugarland