April Showers

Before April showers have a chance to bring those May flowers, it brings a flood of memories from the saddest day of our lives.

Katie's Day.

Her story is here, please forgive my heart, I don't have the wherewith-all to retell it at the moment. I hope you  will go read it...

I hesitate to use the words "easy" and "better" because neither are adjectives for the loss of a baby - but in regards to the years, some are better than others. This Friday marks number 12. A dozen years since my only daughter was born and died.

During the day I am taking extra measures to doll up the exterior to hide the grief on the interior. Seems superficial I know, but you learn what works and what works for me is smiling. It keeps the lump in my throat down. The tears flow at night when the kids have all gone to sleep and I'm safe in my husbands arms.

Almost always I take the day off. Unfortunately, this year, I will be working because the income is really important. Bright side: it's a Friday.

I am very good at self-control but I'm human and if ever a person deserves a day to be completely self-absorbed mine would be Katie's Day. My emotions on April 15th of any year run the gammit from melancholy to you-don't-wanna-eff-with me. My heartache becomes a scale by which I measure everything selfishly.

I could've asked for the day off in advance except that would've required an explanation. I'm not good at those on "the day of". For me,on any other day of any other month, I can talk about it. April 15th rolls around and I don't want to share and I don't want a hug and I'm not looking for pity, just space. Space (and grace) to be a big fat hot mess so that the rest of the year I can be normal. Whatever the hell normal is. 

I'm lucky to have some beautiful friends back home that know this about me.

Friends that knew us then.

Friends that where there at the funeral.

Friends that still go to Katie's grave and leave flowers because I can't from 3000 miles away.

Friends that don't just go on her birthday & friends that know that texting me pictures of her little headstone is what makes me smile, not cry.

Friends that provide the strongest support system anyone could ask for.

Truly-amazing-awesome-no-holds-barred-got-your-back-loyalty type of friendships are rare, but they are forever.

These are a couple I have received in the past year....

Instead I will ask for Max's birthday off to celebrate his awesomeness. He was born 1 year & 2 weeks to the day after his big sister. He's my lifesaver, my rainbow after the storm.

Yeah, I'd have to say I'm blessed in the 'son' department.

(Me: Ok, pose like Brett Michaels! Them: Um, who is Brett Michaels?) 

(Me: Does it hurt? Him: You know how they say there is no such thing as a dumb question? Well...)

~~~

April Showers ~ Sugarland

Thousand(s!) Word Thursday

The middle kid. The forgotten Jan Brady of the bunch...yeah right! Forgotten my Aunt Fanny!

This kid is hilarious. He plays with the little kids, stays cool with his peers, and digs family game night with the old folks. And by old folks I mean us and the aunts & uncles.

He's hard to beat with the comebacks & one liners...his timing is impeccable, expressions fabulous, and delivers it dry as a bone.

But I'm not biased or anything.

Dear Friends, Please Send Carmex...

...
Because my child ~ my dear, sweet, under the weather with allergies child ~ has chapped his face from the tip of his lip to his little snot-filled nostrils. His strategy of rubbing his nose with his sleeve and then licking his lip (ew!) has left him red & raw. And slightly unflattering to look at.
But only slightly, because as you probably guessed, he is the most gorgeous kid you ever laid eyes upon. Thats coming from an unbiased mom right there.

I've got him sauced up with Benedryl, rented the new release X-Men Origins: Wolverine for his viewing pleasure and positioned him amongst pillows & cushy comforters on the love seat. He's happy. I'm happy - well, happy to not be at work, not so happy my munchkin is dreary-eyed & drippy nosed. Let's just say we've reached a comfort zone in which we are both content with the situation. And is Hugh Jackman not yummy???

Also in the Blockbuster bag: Daredevil (an oldie but freebie thanks to the BB Gold Membership...so what if it's the only gold card in my wallet?), 17 Again (so Zac Efron is slightly nauseating, but Chandler from Friends is in it, lol), Nim's Island, and for the mama? Sunshine Cleaning Company. I could use a little off-center indy humor for the mood I'm in.

But thats being saved til the kiddo knocks out tonight. Right now, I'm off to hopefully get some crocheting accomplished...

SIX

Tag, I'm it! Deb over at My Life As Orions Mom has tagged me to make a list of 6 things I love & that make me happy. I can do that easy!

1. For sure, being a mom to 3 rad kids: G-Bunny™, AJ, and Max.
2. The hubbo! Life has not been easy, we've been dealt our fair share of blows, including the death of our baby girl Kaitlyn, but together we trudge thru.
3. Snapping random pics of people & places I love. They don't always turn out so great because I've got a cheapo digi-cam and I don't know the best programs to use cause I'm not a professional, but that's neither here nor there, cause I still love doing it.
4. CROCHETING! I sometimes start more than I finish, but I get there eventually. I just love making stuff from nothing but a hook & yarn.
5. My crazy ol' calico kitty's Uma and Suki. Uma is big & fat & bossy as all git out! She came across country with us when we moved from California in a little critter crate, and she is never gonna let me live that down. Suki is special. Like really special. Like dropped on her head 3 too many times special. She's mostly AJ's cat and she is skittish all day and all night, scared of her own shadow, and won't go outside for all the catnip in the world. Here she is...
And Uma (her Jedi cat name is Queen Umadallah, lol, cause we're sometimes Star Wars geeks like that) in her poncho that I made her that she totally DID NOT appreciate. Made her mad for weeks. 6. You all out there in blogland. I'm still stumbling along here trying to make this blog about more than just my ramblings & rants and I truly love to hop from blog to blog to see whats up with you. Nobody run off and leave your blogs, got it? I depend on you for smiles, inspiration, enlightenment, & craftiness.

AND NOW...I'm running around tagging:

Sarah's Sweet Hearts

Blaze N' Crochet

Handy Hooker

The Hook Nook

YarnJeannie

Hooyah Cadet Jones

Well...
...the kid is off to MROTC bootcamp. Not G-Bunny™ - but Jan Brady, my AJ. Ok, maybe its not real bootcamp, and he will be returning to my arms in one short (really long) week. I'm going to miss his snarky, one liner's and mud puddle eyes. I pray he is safe, happy, and has the time of his life! (Que Greenday)
ALSO?
My boys are totally bringing CHiPs back!
I giveth you Ponch...

















And Jon...









Are you thinking what I'm thinking? YuP! Halloween costumes...fo' sho'.

Jan Brady Lives Here

Yeah....

When it comes to Mom of the Year? I am totally Susan Lucci.

Why this time?

Because I have blabbered on and on (and on and on and on) about G-Bunny™. I have flashed pics of my youngest Max striking poses in a sleeping mask. I have shared about my baby girl Kaitlyn. But have I told you about my super-uber-cool middle son Jan, I mean AJ?

I love all my kids equally, but in different ways, if that makes any kind of sense at all. They are different people with different dispositions - and while each one came from my womb, I am pretty sure each one redecorated to suit their own fancy while they were. I'm just saying.

Gunnar is my firstborn, charged with meeting and exceeding all of my irrationally HIGH expections (and doing well at it).

Kaitlyn is my angel, watching over us from her fluffy cloud in Heaven, and waiting patiently for us to arrive when our times come.

Max is my wild child, the "baby" who has been catered to every day of his life - he followed Kaitlyn and so you can imagine how he has been doted upon. He flashes his toothy grin and gets away with murder.

But up there between Gunnar and Kaitlyn is my kid AJ, my rock, my comedian - faster than a speeding bullet with the snappy comebacks, just call him Superman. He's got the hairline curl to prove it too! He has also been called my favorite by a certain older brother, but I don't play favorites.

Probably its that he too has gotten away with way more than he should have - and I would say blame it on those big brown eyes. He's the only one of my boys with dark pools of chocolate for eyeballs - all puppy dog and innocent looking.

AJ and I mesh, he can read my moods and finish my sentences. He's 14 and he still likes me. What more can a mom ask for?

Next week he is headed to Parris Island, South Carolina for a summer bootcamp thing for kids in ROTC. He's totally stoked and I am totally scared!

Here I was, cruising along thinking how cool is this that he is going to participate in a summer camp thing because he loves his Marines Junior ROTC thing - and then I YouTube'd it. HELLO! Some short chick in camo with her bun pulled too tight was SCREAMING at the poor kids! Did I say screaming? She. Was. Screaming. Somebody hand that woman a tall, cold glass of shut-up-juice!

Mostly it looks like hard work - but when I showed him he was all smiles and ready to rock n' roll. This is where the boy and I part ways in opinion - cause uh, NOT ME! I went to regular summer camp where it was all basket weaving and Kumbaya singing and I thought the day hikes were hard labor of the chain gang variety!

Honestly? I think there's a big sweetness factor playing out here. The fact that he is going to a "real" bootcamp facility - although he is doing the kid thing - before his big brother goes off to Air Force bootcamp in San Antonio score's him some major "I did it first" points.

Sibling rivalry is a beast, yo. ;)

Anytime a little brother can one-up a big brother it becomes story fodder for generations to come.

So here he is, my Jan Brady...

Results In! Senior Child Is A Genius!

My oldest son is a senior in high school this year. Seems like I just left him in his kindergarten teachers hands last week while I went home and cried for 4 hours straight until I could pick him up again.

"Time flies" is not a cliche, trite phrase. It's a cold, hard fact.

Keep an eye on your kiddo's ladies & gents, they will grow and grow and grow and suddenly they will be 6 foot 1 inch high school seniors giving Senior Speeches on really smart things like "Creationism VS Evolution". The upside is they will ROCK the popular vote and blow the competition out of the water when they do it! Yup yup!

That's what my G-Bunny™ did. ;)

Him's are smart! He's the one that taught me how to make the little ™ sign - which is evidently required if I am going to use his thug name and all.

He also taught me the phrase Word Salad¹. Apparently many of the other seniors, while perfectly brilliant I imagine, served up Word Salads and he - MY KID!! - served up a 7 course feast with dessert on how and why Creationism makes much more sense than being critter offspring. (Although sometimes? My boys have been known to pull some serious monkey shines!)

To be clear though, we aren't the type to ram our opinions or beliefs down anyones throat. But this was his Senior Speech...dundundunnnnnn...and presenting a well researched, impassioned report, was sort of the whole point.

STRONG, the force with this one is.

WAIT silly, that's not him!

This is G-Bunny™

You may applaud.

Oh! AND, as part of my self proclaimed right to glory, I am hereby declaring myself to be The Birther Of Brilliance. In a completely humble way of course. ;) LOL


WORD SALAD:
–noun
incoherent speech consisting of both real and imaginary words, lacking comprehensive meaning, and occurring in advanced schizophrenic states.
Origin: 1910–15