Hi Ho (Ho Hum) It's off to work I go...

Well THIS has been a brief stint as a stay at home mommy! Geez...and just when I was getting into the swing of things. But truthfully, it couldn't have happened at a better time...because have I mentioned we like to eat in our house?

I was hoping to find something more along the low-key lines, but a fast paced office gig is what it is. The good part - it's not a big corporate office with aging frat boys in ties running around all full of self importance. AND? I can wear flip flops. Still....*sigh*....I like being a SAHM.

I spent one more afternoon on the beach with Max and playing with yarn...it's the start of a shruggy/shawl thing. I'm not loving the colors right now, but that has alot to do with the season. By fall I will be ready to wear something in golds & earthy jewel tones.
SIGH...although I will have plenty of time to keep doing this, I'm just a little sad that it won't be on a Tuesday afternoon again anytime soon.

A Sad Day

Today is one of those days that will go down in history.

June 25th, 2009: The day a Charlie's Angel and The King of Pop entered those pearly gates leading to Heaven.

My heart was heavy this morning when I learned of Farrah Fawcett's passing. Just a couple of weeks ago I remember crying as I watched her story, that documentary that she bravely created as a way of sharing her battle with others. What I loved most is that it was all filmed by her, by Ryan, and by her best friend with a simple handheld camera. No crews, no lights! camera! action! stuff - just straight forward and heartbreakingly truthful. I'm guessing it will air again soon, please try to watch it if you haven't. In some ways it was somber and in other ways it was the most inspiring and uplifting thing I have seen in a very long time. God bless her soul, she was a courageous woman who tried her best to kick cancer's butt.

Then this afternoon came the news of Michael Jackson's passing, the most creative artist ever to grace our culture. Wow, a shock to the world. There isn't anything I can say that isn't already being said on eleventy-eight channels right now so I won't even try. Instead I will tell you about the doves.

I used to live in a little town called Lompoc (lom-poke) in Santa Barbara County, nestled among the flower fields near the Pacific Ocean. Bo Derek, John Travolta, the Reagan Ranch, and the famous Neverland Ranch are all in that same area of the Santa Ynez Valley.

I once dated a boy whose family owned a pool cleaning service - John Travolta & Bo Derek were their clients - and I would sometimes ride along with him, just to see the beautiful ranches. I've never actually been star-struck (*) - but I will admit to falling in love with fantastic homes. Do you ever drive by a place and totally picture yourself living there? Mentally rearranging furniture and planting rose bushes here and hanging a porch swing there? I totally do...but I digress.

One day, a couple of months after Gunnar was born (which was the summer of 1991) we were having a family picnic in Los Olivos at a park that is sort of in a canyon area when all of a sudden a flock of white birds flew up over the hill. It was an unusual (and super cool!) sight to see pure white birds that were not seagulls. Were they doves? Could they be doves? Why would that many doves be hanging out in the hills anyways?

We didn't have to wait long to find out...it was all over the evening news that Liz Taylor had married her boyfriend Larry at Michael's ranch and upon kissing, white doves were released.

I had only ever seen the gates to Neverland so little did I know that we were right over a small hill. I probably could have crashed! Or gotten arrested.

I also remember feeling this silly sort of triumph over having witnessed the doves. Why? Well ya see, in the 6th grade there were these girls, Melanie & Lisa - and Melanie & Lisa had formed THE Michael Jackson fan club of our elementary school. In order to gain entry into this very prestigious club you had to pass not only their scrutiny but a written test. The test was you had to list every single song IN ORDER from whatever MJ album they named and do it in under 3 minutes. I couldn't do it. I was denied my fan club membership by way of a folded note sent hand to hand across Mr. Price's classroom. I was as devastated as only a 6th grade girl in the age of Thriller could be. I went home and cried myself to sleep.

The next day? I started THE Duran Duran fan club.

In truth, I never really got over it. I secretly loved Michael Jackson and yet I had to pretend he was not nearly as cool as Simon LeBon or Nick Rhodes.

But that day, having witnessed those birds that Michael HIMSELF had surely laid his own eyes upon too, my 6th grade self was redeemed. If only the internet, with all its Facebook goodness, had been available to me I could have hunted down Melanie and Lisa and said "In Your Face!". Or, you know, something slightly more mature.

~~~

As with Kennedy and Elvis, years from now people will remember exactly where they were the day Michael Jackson died.

I was at the beach, with Max, working on this....




(*) DISCLAIMER - When I say star-struck I mean like when Lucille Ball met William Holden and lit her nose on fire. I am in awe of many people and appreciate their art and the beauty they bring to our world with music, movies, books, and pictures - but I wouldn't drool or trip over myself to catch a peek. THAT SAID - I would totally be star-struck if faced with a few people in this world...like:
Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace)
Madonna
Hillary Clinton
Martha Stewart (I'll have to tell you about my obsession with her since 1991 sometime)
A motley mix of folks, but that's how I roll.... ;)

Can I Catch a Break...please???

Let me just start off by saying that I have never had a problem with Ebay or PayPal in the 5 years or so that I have been piddling around with buying & selling. It's taken me this long to accumulate 100 transactions, which is right at about 20 a year. Not the big time, not defunct either. But when it rains, it pours.

A few months ago I decided it was high time to sell my gorgeous beautiful massage table. In California I am a certified deep tissue massage therapist. In Virginia, I'm diddly squat and not allowed to practice legally unless I go thru the education process here. I checked it out - pricey and severely lacking in ACTUAL education. It's silly by the book stuff with so-so teachers. Not worth it at all.

The school I went to in CA is owned and operated by a massage guru. And I do mean guru. He has been working with high profile clients since the late 70's. He has an amazing variety of training - goes to China every year for a month long thingamajig where he studies healing techniques and actually lives with the monks. He's travelled far and wide and is just really stinkin' cool. Going from that to a clinical type place to get a really expensive piece of paper so I can practice on tourists in some high priced hotel in Virginia Beach just isn't my cup of tea.

Which leads me to finally selling my really awesome reiki massage table. I got random, non-committal emails from phantom people who never materialized on Craigslist. So I put it on Ebay - where someone scooped it up in less than a day. The hitch? They wanted me to ship it THEIR way. OK, fine, whatever. But their way turned out to be the really ridiculous way. I was on a wild goose chase to the post office, the UPS store, the Fed Ex terminal. They swear that on the internet the price should have been X amount, but when I was told a different story by real live people to my face. After 3 days of stressing, I refunded these people their money. They weren't happy, but they dealt with it in a fair manner and the lady emailed me back to say she found something comparable on Amazon. Oh - I am forgetting to say these people live in OREGON. Can we get much farther from Virginia??

So it's day 3 of the refund still in "processing mode". On Monday the lady called me to say she see's the refund I issued but they haven't actually put it in her account. I called PayPal, spoke to someone who sounded like they were in downtown Bahrain. She said it takes 3-5 days and to chill. Ok, she didn't say to chill, but thats the general message. Today I get a really snarky email from ex-buyer wanting her refund TODAY RIGHT NOW OR I WILL FLY TO VA AND BEAT YOU UP. I called PayPal again and after waiting on ignore for 17 minutes I was connected to a dude, probably somewhere in Egypt. I'm guessing. Guess what fun little screw up they have going on? They are trying to debit a bank account that I dis-associated with my PayPal a week ago! I have since added and confirmed my other account, but no, they can't be easy and take it from there. And I still have these people's money in my PayPal balance, but no, they can't take it from there either. WHY? Because my funding source was still listed as the old Visa card attached to the old bank account. WTF? They have 2 completely logical and valid ways to access the money, but they claim they cannot cancel this transaction until the 3 more days after the 2nd attempt and the bank says the account has been closed. One more time kids, WTF???

SO, I have a new plan of action to keep myself from becoming the victim of violence. I made sure that I asked if they would IN FACT cancel after the 2nd failed attempt and he assured me they would...so I am going to just pay these people as though I bought something from them. But in doing so I need to OVERPAY them because PayPal is going to take their cut and that would short these folks their full amount and I can't sleep knowing that. It's just an extra few bucks, but I tell you its not the money its the hassle. I cannot believe that as awesome as PayPal is they don't have the ability to cancel transactions or switch funding sources.

Really, I suppose I only have myself to blame. I deleted the account, assuming that would also delete that Visa as a funding source - but that whole schpeel about what ASSUMING really means? Totally true. Myth busted. Yep.

So I suck.

But you know who doesn't suck? My kid G-Bunny™. This dude scored an 88 on the ASVAB today. Thats a super-duper-score! It opens up alot of doors as to what he can do in the Air Force and I am really proud of the young man he has become and continues to evolve into. The next highest score in the crowd there today was a 76. Oh yeah, I'm bragging.

PS: I have since sold it to a local dude who is a reiki master and he is pure gold. He has a big house where the table will have its own room so it can stay set up and he can do reiki healings on his wife who suffers from asthma. I almost cried for an inanimate object.

Don't Mess With Texas

Not even if you are a 72 year old woman. Or maybe especially if you are a 72 year old woman. If busted, you can count on 3 things: getting pushed, tazed, and tossed in the can - evidently all are appropriate, warranted, and by the book actions.

What the...???

What I see here is a sassy ol' Texan gal with an attitude and probably a brass bra. Was she breaking the law? Well, yes, she was caught speeding 15 miles an hour over the legal limit in a work zone. This broad may even prove to be the inspiration behind Hallmark's Maxine, but tazing her? Seriously?

I suppose using a little 'charm psychology' never crossed Rosco P. Coltrain's mind?

Here's a little hint for ya Rosco - things would have run a whole lot smoother had you simply poured a little honey on the situation. You didn't have to pull the tazer trigger just because she double dawg dared you to. And why'd you let her get out of the truck anyways? Was she drunk? Have dead bodies in the pickup bed? Suspected of smuggling Bo & Luke Duke out of Hazard County and into Texas to sell Uncle Jesse's moonshine because time's are tough and Cousin Daisy's tips down at the Boars Nest just ain't what they used to be?

Work on your approach buddy. Next time you pull over an old lady with a lead foot, ask her where the fire is. Or if there's a coffee pot sale at Sears that you're missing out on. Or something funny that makes her admit to the fact that she is speeding so you can write your precious ticket and meet your daily quota. I didn't go to police man school and even I know what works. To be fair, I respect what you do. Admire it even. But under that uniform you are a man who crossed a line - and you clearly have unresolved mother issues.

Not Me Monday

Because all the cool bloggers are doing it...I am taking my cue from Blaze N' Crochet who is taking her cue from My Charming Kids and posting my very first:



Let's see,

I did not stand and cry and wave like a crazed woman at my son as his bus taking him to Parris Island drove out of sight and around a corner - which in turn did not totally embarrass him. Probably.

I did not forget to send said contact lense wearing son off to camp without packing his lense solution and a pair of extra contact's "just in case". (JEEZ!)

I did not blindly waste $3.99 on a stupid tabloid magazine just to read more crap about J&K+8. Because I would never do that. Not even if I was really bored waiting for my ginormous comforter to dry at the Soap N' Suds. Not me.

And I definitely did not cuss out my computer for taking 12 minutes to load 4 pictures. Hmmm, nope. Not me.

I am quite certain I did not do ALOT of things this week, I just can't remember all of my good deeds at the moment - thanks in part to a headache THIS BIG with Excedrin written all over it. (And all I have is Tylenol.)

Oh - and one for AJ who did not get a final grade of D in his English class (his native tongue that he speaks FLUENTLY!!!!) while passing Spanish (that he can barely pronounce correctly) with a B.

Hooyah Cadet Jones

Well...
...the kid is off to MROTC bootcamp. Not G-Bunny™ - but Jan Brady, my AJ. Ok, maybe its not real bootcamp, and he will be returning to my arms in one short (really long) week. I'm going to miss his snarky, one liner's and mud puddle eyes. I pray he is safe, happy, and has the time of his life! (Que Greenday)
ALSO?
My boys are totally bringing CHiPs back!
I giveth you Ponch...

















And Jon...









Are you thinking what I'm thinking? YuP! Halloween costumes...fo' sho'.

45 Lessons

~
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." ~ Regina Brett, 50 years young - NOT 90 as internet legend will have you believing!

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.